It’s been a while and I miss everything and all of you! School’s over already and wow I just cannot believe how free I felt when the thought of “I have officially finished high school” sank really deep into my head and heart and I was like, “oh mY GOD, YES, FINALLY FREE!!!”.
Anyway, two days after my last exam paper, I started working. And welp, it was…full of experience, I could say. It was easy yet hard, fulfilling yet empty, and in the end it leaves me feeling torturous inside; it got me depressed all over again, crying every night while I’m talking on the phone with my boyfriend. I seek advices from some close friends and well, most of them told me to hold on. I held on, for as long as I could, but in the end I felt so…. much agony. I think, somehow, the job just doesn’t fit well with my soul. I’m not sure how to explain but it kills me inside.
So I decided to (wo)man up and decided for myself that I wanna quit, because there are some people that understands my situation, thank goodness. I thought, this is not the shit I wanna do for the rest of my days where I could have done better, this is not how I want my life to be, and this is basically not a job that I was expecting to be in. True, I have a nice and easy job at a book store, in the office at that, plus I don’t work with a lot of people (as I’m an
extreme introvert and have some anxiety when it comes to meeting people) and I also don’t work shift hours; I work office hours, which means I got in at morning, got out at noon. That’s why people said that I haven’t been grateful. But blergh, I just can’t do it. Astaghfirullah.
It took a few silence and cold-shoulders for me to deal with the people around me, announcing that I’m quitting, both to family, friends and colleagues. A few conflicts here and there and finally, tomorrow is my last day of work. Allahu. I’m both scared and excited; what if something scary happens when I quit? Will they find out why I quit and hate me? I’m excited to be free from these chains and to finally do the thing I want, the thing my heart has been screaming for ages to do; to follow my passion without time constraints.
I’m a bit scared about how people would look at me once I step out of work tomorrow, but I’m sure the experiences I had and will have, will contribute towards becoming a better me myself, since I do have some wonderful seniors here and there. I love them, hehe. I love the job, but my soul is just not there… you know? I’m not sure if other people understands, but I do have a friend or two that quit in the past few weeks from their jobs as well, for the same reason: the job just doesn’t ‘click’ well with their souls.
Anyway, good luck to me. Haha. I’ll have some posts queued up for this week, since I have many things to write about. I’ve said this pretty much a thousand times now lol haha.
Also, as for my language learning, since I changed my phone, I think both my Korean and Japanese have improved a bit, but there’s much more progress than before yeay. I started using HelloTalk as well, but I’m just so…. scared, and I barely talk to people hahaha oh my god.
Here goes nothing; for tomorrow. Happy holidays, people, and I hope everyone’s enjoying their break! Have a great week ahead and thank you so much for reading! ❤