I know I’ve been disappearing for a while, but here I am, spreading some positivity today!
Well, we’ve all had our insecurities and self-consciousness, and honestly speaking, I am, too. I used to not care about my looks that much and I had my fair share of confidence on my looks, and despite the ugly pictures of me and my friends posted on Instagram for fun, I never really cared that much. Heck, I loved myself a lot too. I’m a very chubby person to begin with, with chubby cheeks (thus — the nickname ‘mochi’) and I’m the shortest in class despite being a 17 year old student on her senior year. I truly believed that I was a queen and that was how I motivate myself, you know. Hahaha.
But then, I have a boyfriend.
And the moment he crashed down into my life, I get all these thoughts… about how I look. “Do I dress well enough? Is my hijab looking okay today? Will he compliment me today as well? Ah, oh my god, look at the fat I have here and there. Look at my cheeks, look at my distorted nose, look at everything of me… I am not perfect.” The moment I told myself that, I knew that my self-esteem and confidence level has gone so low. Truth to be told, it’s been a while since I’ve been in love and this time I’m gonna make this work, no matter how far our journey is going to be. But with all of these thoughts keep flooding my head, how am I supposed to even….?
But in the end, it’s all in your head. I mean, nobody’s gonna point out that you look ugly in something you wear straight up to your face. Nobody’s gonna judge you based on how you look if you’re a very nice person with a great personality. Even if they do, it’s not your business and welp, I’m pretty sure they’re pretty self-conscious themselves. People would love you for your smile, for your positivity, for your happiness, from how you laugh, how you make those silly jokes and make people laugh with you, managing things and helping people… all of those, are what makes you, YOU. Outer appearance is one thing but inner beauty goes far beyond the definition of ‘beautiful’, in my opinion. If you’re beautiful on the inside, you’ll shine throughout on the outside.
I know it’s a hard journey to love yourself, and there’s always a thing or two that would bug your mind and you felt so incomplete, imperfect till the point of disappearing, but think of all the great things you still have yet to discovered in life! Once you begin to love, and most of all, accept your body, yourself, and all of you, I’m sure you’ll be able to love other people just as much. And of course, that would bring you to the person who would love you, who would cherish you for what you are and would compliment you for your whole being, inside and out.
Trust me on this.
And well, honestly, my boyfriend compliments me a lot haha. You know when they say, love someone who would look at you and look into your eyes as if they see rainbows and stars, despite all those terrible scars. He teaches me maths sometimes after school and when I’m studying he’ll look at me and pretty much…. say, “Wow… how are you this pretty?”. He flatters me a lot haha ;;; and I did told him about my insecurities (I’m telling you, I lost a lot of weight over these years but my physical is still the same chubby me) and he told me that I have nothing to worry about; because I’m perfect to him.
For me, now, that’s all that matters.
Ahaha, I know, I’ve been away for a long time and suddenly I pop up here talking about positive body images. Well, I have all this urge to just post things but I’m always being held back thinking about the audience of this blog. But then again, I made this blog to share stories in the first place so I think it’s fine to share this, aight?
Also! You guys should realllyyyy listen to GOT7’s Just Right because it has all those positive messages, and possibly better than mine haha. The MV is below!
Oh my god JB is as adorable as ever ;;;;
Do you guys remember when I talked about my national exams throughout this year? Believe it or not, that huge exams is exactly one month/30 days from now. Have I prepared well? I’m still on my way towards brushing up my knowledge and insyaAllah, I’ll do my best. I’ll try my best to study during these times and hopefully everything goes well! I’ve sacrificed my time, my language learning time (T_T), my anime and manga lyfe, my gAMES oMG, my kpop addiction and pretty much everything for this exam. So… why not make it worth it, ay?
Also, to all of you out there that’s going through a hard time, remember: things will get better.
Trust me. Last year I was crying, writhing and drowning in agony but these days, almost everyday, I have a lot of things to be grateful of and to smile for. My friends, my family… my cat. Learn to appreciate the things around you and some day, one fine day, it’ll all be better. It’ll change, and you’ll realize that it’s worth it. I’m still in the process of healing but spreading positivity is still a passion of mine, haha.
Thank you so much for reading this hell of a long post, and see ya next time! Have a great weekend and byeom~ ❤