In Search of Something

(This post is typed on 19th April, 12:30 a.m.)

Hello everyone, it’s been a while.

I’m typing this as if I’m typing on the blog itself, when I’m actually typing in a WordPad. As you may notice or not, I haven’t been here for almost a month. Well, I don’t have internet connection right now. Needless to say, I still don’t have internet when I’m typing this so when I get it again I’ll just copy and paste this one.

Yes, yes, yes. I don’t think I’ll have any activities after school again besides my duty at the library, hip hip hooray!! I’M FINALLY FREE!! ….Well, I should at least be that happy. But not really. Because, you see, when you’ve been busy for a longgg time and suddenly everything just stops, you would feel like you still have something undone. Right? That’s what I’m thinking/feeling right now. The only thing that’s incomplete right now is my homework. Yes, lots of them.

That aside, let’s talk about my Korean studies. I’m either gonna cry, facepalm, or roll in depression. I haven’t been studying at all for almost a month. Okay, maybe learn a few words now and then, but that ain’t enough aight? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired? I’m exhausted, yes. And my midterm is on May. I have to catch up everything that I left when I’m not in school for almost a week, and review Korean lessons…. Uhm, I should find a way to improve my memory.

No, I’m not procrastinating. At least I think I’m not. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I had never felt this way, but I think I’m in that teenage stage where everything goes wrong, and I just wanna be alone. I’m breaking apart, and what I feel is that nobody understands me. I know, I’ m selfish to think this way when my bestfriends and even people on the net are trying their hardest to cheer me up all this while. But this time, I wanna be alone. I may need a few words of encouragements, but for now, nobody knows that I’m torn and breaking apart inside. Yeah, only you readers know. This ain’t about love. Heck, I don’t even care about that. I don’t know, there’s something missing. Not love, mind you.

So, the things I like now are becoming a chore. I mean, look, I love writing fanfics right? But now finishing them seems like a chore. It’s not like something I want to do, it’s like I’m forced to do it. I don’t think I’m treating Korean lessons the same way though. I mean, it’s not to the point that I feel like I’m forced to learn Korean. No way.

I just need more time. I didn’t know science stream was like this…. I wish I could understand better in class and get good at memorizing facts and the names of chemicals, formulaes and whatnot….

I think the sole reason of me being slumped is that… Maybe. Just maybe. That I don’t have internet. This is the longest time I haven’t had internet though, honestly. At times like this I’d be reading blogs of motivations and find happiness…. Now I feel so empty.

 I know nobody’s reading up to this, nor reading this post lol I mean this was meant to be a Korean learning blog and yet I nag and talk about my life almost in every post. I should be motivating or something. What am I even doing, right? At times like this, I wonder about it myself.

Welp, I’m sleepy now. Guess I hafta go. Everyday is tiring, and that’s why I have to be strong. Fighting everyone, stay strong.


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